Namaste.
Grief.
Everyone has to deal with it in their own way. The feelings we have for someone who was a part of our life are all unique, so why would our grief be any different? Each relationship is special and private within your heart. No one else can know how the absence of that someone feels to you. Don't let anyone tell you what is "normal" when grieving.
My mother-in-law has now been gone for two weeks. I have cried a few times missing her, but also in relief. Not because she is gone. But because she has moved on to her reward, getting to be with Joe gain, no more struggling to breathe or get around. While I miss her smile and greetings, and presence, I know she's not really too far away. She had a generous heart, doing and thinking of others. I know too that she was one of God's children, and although she did not go to church she had a great relationship with her Lord. Her generous nature can now be shared with others as we see the blooming of a flower, catch the unexpected scent of lilacs on the wind or see some little thing that makes us smile.
I was at the grocery store the other day and as I got to the end of an aisle, I saw a display for pudding on sale. My immediate thought was to but some chocolate for her. Then, almost as instantly, I realized what I was thinking, and tears sprang up. It's gonna take some time.
Yesterday, I had another funeral. This one was for a friend and co-worker who had cancer. Some people say that when someone dies from cancer they have lost the battle. I don't see it that way with Gail. She lost nothing, and gained everything. She refused to let it stop her from giving of herself and her time. She continued to work and volunteer, attend church and gatherings. I like to think that towards the end, when she was too ill to do these things anymore, it was simply her time to take time for herself and prepare for her next step. She did not let cancer define her or stop her.
Over the course of three weeks, three special females left my life. (Yes, I am counting my Tayta.) Each one taught me something about what it means to be a female, a woman. We are the comfort givers, we are the warm smile and hug. We should never be afraid to be who we are, to show our faith or love. When the times come around when we just can't handle it all at once, we should not be afraid to back off and regroup. There is nothing wrong in admitting we are crabby or sad, that we are not doing well. No one can sustain everything all the time. Batteries run low and need to recharge. Fuel tanks run shallow and need refilled. We have to remember this and take the time to let our souls heal from the hits in life, and know that God is the only place to do this.
It only takes a few moments every day to do this, and there is no right or wrong way. The relationship you have with God is just like any other, unique and private. How you speak to Him and He to you is your own business. And in the times when you really need a good pep talk, He is the one to give it to you. You never know how He is going to do it, by putting a friend in your path to help, or allowing you a special viewing or some quiet time with nothing to do.
Accept the gifts when they come and remember no one can do it all all of the time.
Peace.
